Category: Life

I have a theory that all rules to govern good behavior, leadership, business practices, etc. boil down to one simple tenet, The Golden Rule – treat others as you would have them treat you. In this series of posts, I’m going to look back and tell some stories, mostly about where I made mistakes and what I learned from them, that reinforce my theory.

The first one that leapt to mind happened when I had Advanced Media Post, my boutique post-production facility, during the late nineties and early aughts. I had a very annoying client. Despite being one of our smallest accounts (we were creating DVDs of his agency’s work), he was very demanding, sometimes unreasonably so. For example, he had a very specific color scheme for his brand, which, of course, is not unusual. What he stubbornly failed grasp was that regardless of the graphics we used for menus, or he used in stingers for his videos, the colors were never going to be true on a TV. If you’ve ever gone to an electronics store and looked at the same video playing on multiple TVs, I’m sure you understand. No two look alike. I was getting nearly daily calls and emails with various complaints, but mostly that we weren’t delivering the quality he expected.

I stopped responding to him, which, of course, only frustrated him more. Finally, he let me know he was closing his account and coming by to pick up his materials. I was relieved to be rid of him. When he came by, I was braced for a confrontation, but he was quite calm. He sat down in my office and explained that the reason he was pulling his business was not due to the work product, but the fact that I stopped communicating with him. He said that even a simple acknowledgement of his emails and/or voice mails would have made a huge difference. He gathered up his materials and left.

That conversation had a huge impact on me. I’ve always strived since then to, at minimum, acknowledge a communication in a timely manner, even if I don’t have an answer. I’m not perfect and I continue to receive the odd follow-up prior to my response, for which I am always profusely apologetic.

Back to the Golden Rule, for any communication for which a response is borderline, I put myself in the other person’s shoes. Would I expect a response and be unhappy if I didn’t get one? In some cases, like a sales cold call/email/DM, I might not respond, but I don’t expect responses to my cold communications. In most cases, I do respond, even it is just to respond with “Got your message, I’ll get back to you ASAP” or “…when I have an answer.”

It’s simple – treat others as you would have them treat you.

I mentioned this in a previous blog entry but thought it might be worth expanding upon. I’ve long held that there is only one rule necessary to live by, the Golden Rule, or Treat others the way you want to be treated.  It’s difficult to find other “rules to live by” that aren’t derivative of the Rule. Just look at the Ten Commandments (disregarding the purely religious ones) or How to Win Friends and Influence People or In Search of Excellence, all the advice is common sense if you put yourself in the place of the other person.

We all want to be treated with kindness and respect, so we should treat others with kindness and respect. We should not expect from others what we are unwilling to give. I’m reminded of the Beatles lyric from the song, The End:

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make

It’s just the Golden Rule of love. Feel free to substitute the word “love” other words like “respect” or, sadly, “hate.”

We all want to be forgiven our mistakes. I recently heard someone paraphrase Emilce Quiroz’s quote “A core principle of restorative justice is that nobody is the sum total of their worst mistake,” with a simpler “no one is defined by their worst mistake.”  Of course, the key to either of those phrases is “mistake.”  If it is a mistake and not a deliberate act, I’m on board. If someone commits a horrible deliberate act but comes to sincerely regret it and take responsibility for it, forgiveness should be given. Again, it is simple. If you would expect to be forgiven under the same circumstances, you should forgive.

I think I’ve made my point.

To be honest, I’m hardly perfect at following the Rule, but I do try. I have a few stories where I failed to follow the Rule which I will relate over time.

For the past four years, I have been embarrassed to be an American.  Every time Trump tweeted, spoke, issued an executive order, or rolled out another heinous policy, I was not just outraged, I felt humiliated.

On 1/17 on CBS Sunday morning, I watched Kamala Harris and her husband, Doug Emhoff, laugh and clown around with each other.  I was delighted.  Can you imagine Mike and Karen Pence doing the same?  I can’t.

On Tuesday, I watched the Bidens and Harris/Emhoff’s honor the 400,000 people (and counting) who died during the pandemic.  Trump and his ilk have hardly given them a word or, I imagine, a second thought.

On Wednesday, I watched President Biden and Vice-President Harris (no longer “elect”!) take their oaths of office and was mesmerized by the brilliant poet, Amanda Gorman, enthrall everyone with her beautiful, stunning and hopeful poem, The Hill We Climb.

It feels like an eternity since Biden and Harris won the election and, as many others have noted, our democracy has been tested in the past few months like rarely before, but it did endure.  I was struck by a comment from Nathan Law, one of the prominent Hong Kong pro-democracy activists.  He said that he was encouraged by our largely peaceful transfer of power.  What is so interesting is that while for us this has been the least peaceful transfer of power in living memory, for the rest of the world it was a minor incident.  Oh, the world was shocked that such an event could happen in the United States of America, but violence around elections is nothing new and Trump’s “army of imbeciles,” as Jimmy Kimmel called them, was absolutely nothing to fear.

There is a lot of work to be done.  Again, as many have pointed out, just because the Orange One is gone, does not mean that racial injustice and inequity, moronic conspiracy theories that suck in hapless and disenfranchised people, and a raging pandemic and economic crisis goes with him, but, for a moment, I was able to feel pride in my country again.

Our judiciary did not fail us.  Liberal and conservative judges and justices (even those appointed by Trump) overwhelmingly disgusted by Giuliani and his team of idiots’ laughable legal maneuvers tossed the cases out of court, often with blistering rebukes.

Our legislatures did not fail us.  Yes, far too many of them passed or tried to pass restrictive voting laws before the election, but afterward, none tried to intervene, and both our House and Senate confirmed the election.  Hopefully, those who baselessly attempted to thwart the Constitutionally mandated process will be held to account.

Our election officials did not fail us.  Virtually to a person, those invested with safeguarding our elections throughout the States, did their job honorably and proudly, sometimes in the face of threats to themselves and their families.

Our military did not fail us.  In spite of some missteps, our military leaders resoundingly and proactively rejected any attempt by the lame duck commander-in-chief to use the military against the American people.  There was no “Great Awakening.”  In fact, I am confident that had Trump declared martial law, the military would not have supported him.

Do I paint too rosy a picture?   Perhaps, but I don’t have on blinders.  As Ms. Gorman wrote:

Somehow we weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished…

And, yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn’t mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect.

We are striving to forge our union with purpose.

To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and conditions of man.

Though our institutions, and our faith in them, were tested, they held firm.  It is particularly interesting that Democratic groups strategized on responses to many election-defying scenarios, many of which came true, but, in the end, the best response tended to be to hold back and allow the Trumpists to fail on their own.   On Wednesday, we proved that though democracy is fragile, ours is still strong enough to hold fast and expose a demagogue who acted tough and convinced far too many people that he cared about them for what he actually is – a weak con man and loser who was only ever out for himself.

I’m confident that, sadly, in spite of a swing away from Trump, many of our fearful legislators will swing quickly back calculating that they need his support to remain in power, but if Georgia’s Senate elections taught us anything, it’s that there is a finite amount of support for crazy and perhaps we have reached its limits.

I’m hopeful we can get back to the values that truly made America one of the greatest nations in the history of the human race, including those emblazoned on Lady Liberty.  Her words should not just apply to immigrants, but also to all disenfranchised people.  Perhaps in the next four years we can figure out how to start to remove hate from our lexicons and see each other just as people, more the same than different, or as Gus says in My Big Fat Greek Wedding,

Here tonight, we have, ah, apple and orange. We all different, but in the end, we all fruit.

It’s easy to gleefully chuckle each time one of Trump’s election-challenging lawsuits (I’m tempted to put that word in quotes) is tossed out of court, often with a scathing opinion, but it’s important to look at why they keep getting so resoundingly rejected.  Just because they lacked any semblance of legal substance does not mean some of them might have had some success.  Sycophants are everywhere, including some in election administration, so why not in the judicial system?  Why did these particular people, many Trump-appointed conservatives, stand up to pressure while so many Republican lawmakers both now and since Trump’s election cow-tow to his bullying?

The answer is a simple and old-fashioned but universal tenant:  people take their jobs seriously and are proud of doing them well.  One can even argue that the sycophants’ behavior supports this theory because they consider it their job to please Trump and want to do that well.

Contrary to Trump’s expectations, conservative judges have struck down dozens of his “elite strike force” of legal clowns’ pathetic lawsuits because they take their jobs seriously.  Regardless of how they might feel about the election, they are sworn to the rule of law and that comes first.  What General Milley said about the military applies here as well:

We are unique among armies, we are unique among militaries. We do not take an oath to a king or queen, or tyrant or dictator, we do not take an oath to an individual. No, we do not take an oath to a country, a tribe or a religion.

We take an oath to the Constitution, and every soldier that is represented in this museum—every sailor, airman, marine, coastguard—each of us protects and defends that document, regardless of personal price.

Republican election officials, even in the face of death threats to themselves and their families, have certified results and stood up to Trump’s pressure because they take their jobs seriously.  Probably the best example of this is Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger.  Make no mistake, Mr. Raffensperger is no hero.  He is a fan of voter suppression laws, essentially advocating that it is easier to steal an election before the voting than after.  That being said, he followed the existing law and he took pride in overseeing a successful Georgia election.  He took offense as Trump and his cronies claimed that there was rampant fraud in his election.  Another Georgia election official, Gabriel Sterling, emotionally tore into Trump and others he declared complicit for not speaking out, when describing the threats he and his team have experienced.  Even a man who might have stolen an election by purging hundreds of thousands of people from the voter rolls prior to the election he was both supervising and running in (Stacey Abrams lost by 55,000 votes), Georgia Governor Brian Kemp has not crossed a line in spite of tremendous pressure from Trump.

None of this was because any of these Republicans love Joe Biden or the Democrats.  They are not secret liberals.  In fact, there was little personal or political upside to their actions.  Beyond the threats, elected officials are likely to be brutalized by Trump’s supporters the next time they run for office.  The Trump team simply made a mistake when they made it personal.  When they attacked their competence.  No one wants to be called incompetent and tends to dig in when they are personally attacked.

What’s ironic is that Trump actually knows this.  One of his signature campaign promises is to create more jobs.  He knows people often define themselves by being able to bring home a paycheck.  He knows that people are just as proud of a long hard day in a coal mine as they are in earning millions of dollars on Wall Street.  Regardless, a bully is a blunt instrument.  Trump can only attack and damn the consequences.

Of course, there is another explanation for his post-election circus.  Perhaps he realized months ago he wasn’t going to win the election.  Perhaps he never expected to prevail in court or via other coercive measures.  After all, he has raised over $200M since the election (as of this writing), misleading his followers into thinking they are supporting his bid to overturn the election while the vast majority of the money went to pay off campaign debts, the RNC, and his political action committee and no doubt from there to line his and his children’s pockets.  After all his years of greed and corruption, he has stumbled into the easiest and most lucrative grift of all – milking those with blind faith for all they’re worth.

Like, I’m sure, many of us, I’ve been thinking a great deal about leadership these days.  Good leadership has many attributes – compassion for team members, respect for personal time, delegation, open-mindedness, etc. – but I’m thinking about one aspect specifically – modeling the behavior desired from others.

I’ve long held that there is only one rule necessary to live by, The Golden Rule (and for all you wits out there, no, not “he who has the gold makes the rules”):

We all admire the small business owners, CEOs and Boards of Directors and who have taken significant or full pay cuts and other measures to help pay their employees during the pandemic.  Of course, in many cases it is largely symbolic, but it is still important that they are “walking the talk.”

Nevertheless, in these challenging times, there is another significant issue at stake.  Lives lost due to leadership failure or even gross negligence.

It’s obvious where I’m headed, Donald Trump and his Trumpist cronies.  Full disclosure, I’ve spent countless hours during the past year working to help oust him from office so I cannot claim a lack of bias, but the point I want to make is valid.

One of the Trumpy talking points was best articulated by South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem on July 17^th:

“I think what we did here in South Dakota is really remarkable because we gave people their freedom,” she said. “We let the businesses stay open, we let people go to work, we told them to be smart, and we also asked them to be personally responsible. And, we’re seeing benefits of that each and every day in South Dakota.”

First, shortly thereafter it became one of the worst hot spots in the U.S. and to this day she continues to be in denial.

Second, conflating a lack of freedom with social responsibility (seat belts, anyone? Or, “No shirt. No shoes. No service.”?), is not only stupid, but dangerous.

Third, her statement implies that Democrats want to take away American’s freedom and don’t trust them to be responsible.

That, frankly, is nonsense (I had another word in mind, but restrained myself).

People follow their leaders.  Democrats (and responsible Republicans), by and large, wore masks, socially distanced and washed their hands more, not because of mandates, stay-at-home orders and restrictions, but because they saw that behavior in their leaders.  Look at what happened when California’s Governor Gavin Newsom attended a dinner party or Denver Mayor Michael Hancock took a flight to visit family for Thanksgiving.  Backlash was swift and unforgiving, by Democrats as well as Republicans.

It is incontrovertible that the coronavirus pandemic has hit the U.S. harder that it should have due to Trumpist leaders eschewing science, denigrating mask wearing and generally downplaying the truth.  In other words, they modeled poor behavior, and those they led followed. 

There is evidence that had a unified national leadership, at all levels – President, Senators, Congresspeople, Governors, and Mayors on down – simply worn masks and followed the science the U.S. would be nowhere near its current 270,000 death tally (as of writing this).  While many countries instituted mandates, others did not and still saw dramatically better death rates because the populace was consistently encouraged to wear masks and did.  It is understood that there are many other factors, including partial lockdowns and other restrictions, that impacted the death rate in countries that did not mandate wearing a mask, and that, culturally, the U.S. would not likely have seen quite the mask adoption levels of other countries.  Even so, had 20%, 30%, 40% more people regularly worn masks, thousands of lives would have been saved.

Not to mention, that had the pandemic been more under control with fewer cases and deaths, the toll on the economy would have been far less.  The two are inextricably linked.

Bottom line:  It’s not about trust or freedom.  It’s about leadership.  People will follow, and model their behavior, on both good and bad leaders.  With something so important as a global pandemic, people can’t afford bad leaders.

Anecdotally, I jog nearly everyday in a nearby park.  Prior to the election, I would estimate roughly 50% of the people there wore masks, though most did their best to socially distance.  Since the election (and the current virus infection surge) and Trump’s fading from public view, I’d estimate that at least 75-80% of people are wearing masks.   Scientific evidence?  Of course not.  However, hopefully, with a new leader taking the spotlight and modeling socially responsible behavior, signs of improvement are already beginning.